how I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me

so.

I like how this is turning into an emo blog- no, not really, I don't like that at all, but if I'm going to use it to sort things out and that has to do with emotions then so be it.

last week was horrendous, but it's over with and I'm so happy! freeeedommmm! except I have class this week- but two fewer than usual because we finished Images (only 1/2 semester) and our Images sections ended last week (and will pick up again after Fall Break)- meaning I don't start class til 12:45 tomorrow. Heaven! Sleep! Gah!
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1. amazing weather. in London. in October. WOW.
2. crepes/cupcakes.
3. surfthechannel.com... I watched Animorphs today. ANIMORPHS!!!
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People. Friends. Lovers. Annoyances. Hugs. Heart. Hope. Time. Sun. Finding. Possessing. Reject(ion). so Easily. I will possess your heart.

I don't want to make this all long and emo (as earlier noted), but here go some thoughts... Not quite Mrs. Dalloway stream-of-consciousness style, probably not as fun. School is teaching me things or, at least, encouraging me to learn- more so than I ever feel on campus. It's so nice. To actually enjoy school again. British Politics. London Writers- the literature requirement I've been putting off for so long has become my favorite class! YES! I love Philosophy of Law. Intro to London Theatre will be sorely missed, even if all of the shows were dark. We acted out scenes in class on Friday and I did fine... I was so surprised with myself, I don't act/speak in front of 30 or so people no matter how hard I try, but, I just did it. It just happened. With two other lovely girls.

Everyone here is pleasant- everyone I've encountered at least. It keeps making me wonder what the hell was up with my freshman year living experience and what the odds of that shit happening are... and I wonder why it was me. Not floundering in self-pity anymore, just genuine interest. because, if I believe in God's will, which I generally do, then what the hell was the point of that? Getting me out of my room (pretty much permanently)? it definitely worked. I know a lot of people now. a lot. and I love them. damn it.

on Saturday night, after the game (which was so close!) and after our Dublin visitors had left for the night and Carolyn had headed off to bed I lost it. out of nowhere it hit me. I just couldn't stop crying. I thought of next semester. I don't want it. I don't want it. no. not at all. All of my best friends will be abroad. I don't know what I'm going to do. Bestie will be here and I will be there. WTF. W. T. F. I need a good hug. Hugs. Love em! so much. Haven't gotten one since being here- problematic! and what about next semester? Probably the same prob... oh no! :-\

I'm afraid. Cowardly? Guess I'm a Hufflepuff (possibly a Ravenclaw).

I don't want to need saving next semester. I'm just terrified of the sadness. I refuse to feel that way ever again. The end of freshman year nearly killed me. I refuse.